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My Testimony

by brother Christian Gauthier

I turned from my clean life at 16 (although my life wasn't clean at all). I started to fornicate, then drink, then do drugs, listen to wicked music, get into fights and other deeds just as wicked. I always thought that people who did that type of stuff were evil. Once I started to partake of these sins, I realized I was just like they were.

I had no understanding of the scriptures at that point in my life, although I had went to private schools growing up, and attended church with my mom when I was younger. I knew what the scriptures said, I just never knew the power of them. I continued living this way (on the path to destruction) for about three years, going as fast as I could. The whole time I was living in fear of losing my life, and going before God in judgment unprepared.

When I was 19 I started to see the emptiness of all the things I was doing in my life. Nothing was lasting and it was all so troubling to my soul. The pleasures in my life were ruining it and I couldn't stop myself from continuing in that way of life. I had this mind set that this is who I was all along. But I knew that was a lie. I wanted to change my ways. I hated the way I was living my life. I really needed help.

One night (was just like any other) I was going with a so-called friend to another so-called friend's house. We were going to get high and see what else would happen. When we arrived at his place I thought "I don't want to do this again. I don't want to do this at all." I hated it. So I turned around and told my friend I was going home. As I walked home I started to run as fast as I could. I wanted to get away from all the things I was doing in my life. There was nothing good in my life at all. All I had was trouble.

When I made it home nothing had changed, I was still the same. So I went up to my room and I shut the door and started to think "what can I do? I hate this." As I thought about my life, I could only see two things happening: 1) Going to jail. 2) Dying unprepared. Then I thought "what do I have to lose? I'm going to pray." So I climbed out of my bed and knelt down on my knees beside my bed and started to pray. I started to pour out my life in confession before God. I said "I hate my life and I want to change. I need help, I can't change. Please help me to stop doing drugs. I'll do anything if you help me change. I'll even be a Christian." (something I was very afraid of at that point in my life.) When I was done praying, I prayed "in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen." I climbed back into my bed and closed my eyes. I began seriously considering what I had just said. The commitment I had just made and to who. I still felt the same. I didn't want to go on in this miserable way, so I continued praying for His help to change as I laid there on my back with my eyes closed. I believed for the first time that Jesus could help me. I believed in Him and in His name as I kept pleading for His help in my heart. Then something really wonderful happened to me that changed my whole life around that night. I saw a vision (Joel 2:28).

As I prayed, I saw these gates before me and they swung open to me as I passed through them. It was real and a wonderful peace filled my being. I was in the presence of God and it was great and very powerful. God's light was right over me and I stood as it were before a pillar of light that ascended up very high and which I was not able to bear seeing it because it was so great and high. I fell to my knees and started to remember the dark things I had done in my life. I felt then as if I were touched by the finger of God and the thoughts were lifted right off my head and I felt free from them. I was forgiven and I felt forgiven for what I had done. I felt healed. Praise be to the Lord God Almighty in the name of Jesus Christ. I never felt so much pity and loving kindness in my whole life. Who was I? Just a miserable drunk, now a child of light. I had never in my entire life done anything to deserve the mercy I found that night. This was the kingdom of God. Christ's Spirit, His life, His love, His light forever. His spirit was in me and all around me. I was baptized with the Holy Ghost. I had just entered into the kingdom of God through believing in Jesus's name. I was now in Him and He was in me. I couldn't deny what was happening to me.

Then I looked up and I saw a wide stairway as before a judgment throne and pillars on either side with thrones and elders on them. I was not able to look upon them. I only went up the stairs with my head down afraid to look up. When I stopped moving up the stairs I was moved to turn around. When I turned around I could see the stairs I had just climbed up and the gates I had just come through. I could see everything clearly for I was standing in light. I could also see outside the gates. It was what I had just come out of moments before. Darkness with many, many souls in it. Like an ocean of sand under a shadow of darkness and every grain of sand was a persons soul. I immediately began to cry very hard. I was so broken and sad to see all those souls in darkness. I only wished that they would come out of that darkness. I wanted (and was expecting) to see many coming through the gates. But when I looked to the gates not one soul was coming in. I was the only one who had entered into the kingdom at that moment.

I knew people who were out there in that darkness. My brother, my girlfriend and others. There were so many just outside the gates and the light shined to them from within the gates but they were still in darkness. I wondered "why aren't they coming in." As I looked way out into the darkness I seen a stage like a platform fixed over the darkness were all the souls were. I saw a man on the stage with a bottle in his hand with women at a table sitting behind him. He was looking over all the darkness that was in front of him. And then way off in the distance I saw the darkness like sand begin to crumble and fall away into a pit that I was unable to see the bottom of. Some would crumble away then fall, I would lose sight of it then more would crumble away then fall. It was continually crumbling away and falling. The people on the stage couldn't see or hear it coming, nor could anyone else who was in the darkness. I knew it was the end of the world. And the end would come when all the darkness had fallen away. I was afraid for them and I knew I had to do something. Once they fell into the pit, there was no coming back up. I wanted to be at the gates so I could reach out to souls that were in darkness. As I went down to the gates, I saw a moving pool of darkness come out from the darkness through the gates. As I passed by it I wanted to hit it to destroy it. It was evil and unclean. As I was tempted to hit or move against it, I realized that if I touched it I would be unclean. So I moved past it and went down to the gates. When I came down to the gates I reached out with my arms as far as I could to the souls in darkness. Then I locked up my hands with my fingers and began to pull with all my strength. I was hoping to pull souls out of the darkness into Jesus's light. Then I opened my eyes and I was lying on my bed wide awake and my body was covered with sweat. I started to remember the vision. The same feelings were still in me. I was filled with joy and gladness and started to thank Jesus my Savior. Then I broke down and began to cry when I remembered all the souls in darkness. Jesus had revealed to me the spiritual truth about what had just happened. I was now a child of light, but the whole world was lying in wickedness. I had to tell people, they needed to know the truth.

I continued praying most of that night. I couldn't sleep. Jesus's light and life and love in me was all I could think about. I was full of the Holy Ghost. Understanding was being breathed into my soul. The knowledge of His salvation was so satisfying to my soul. More satisfying than any other pleasure I had ever known. And it was so clean and pure and holy. I cried and prayed most of that night, praying Jesus would never leave me or forsake me and that He would continue to help me. All I wanted to do was pray and change more. I was so sorry I hadn't prayed for His help earlier in my life. It was so wonderful being in His presence. I wanted Him so much more, crying for His love in me forever felt so good. His love and life in me was more satisfying than anything I had ever experienced in my life. Nothing in my life mattered anymore. I wanted to go to heaven and see Jesus face to face. He was with me and I was with Him. I had wasted so much time without Jesus in my life. His spirit was what I needed all along.

When morning finally came I gathered my family together. I had something very important to tell them. I thought there was going to be a big change in my house that day. I was thinking about how we could all start going to church together. I was nervous, because I didn't know how to say or explain this to them. But I had to, so I went forth in faith. They thought it sort of strange, because we had never had a gathering before.

I began to testify that I believed in Jesus Christ and that I was a born again Christian now. They didn't seem to think much of it. I told them I had prayed the night before and told them I had seen a vision. I asked if I could share the vision with them. They agreed. I started to testify to them about the vision very intently. When I started to testify to them about looking out into the darkness, I started crying in front of them all. When I had a hold of myself again I apologized and looked around the room at them. My dad was quiet and looked concerned. My grandma was crying a little, but my grandpa looked disgusted and embarrassed. He was a very devout catholic. My grandpa asked me if I had talked to a priest, and that I should go and talk to one. It seemed like a good idea to them. I knew the catholic church wasn't the truth though. I had gone to their church growing up and I never felt the way I did in their church ever. I continued to testify to them. I was asking them to pray and believe in Jesus, so they could come out of the darkness and walk in the light. It was His spirit. They didn't receive it. It made me frustrated. I really wanted them to hear. They started giving me reasons why they couldn't and started telling me to be careful what I say to people. "People might not like being told that." But I knew the truth, destruction was coming. The truth was that they were the ones that should be afraid. There was nothing more I could do for them. They had rejected God's warning. The more I warned them, the harder it made it to be around them. They didn't want to hear it anymore. I was now like a stranger in my own home and these people were becoming my enemies.

There rejection only strengthened my determination to tell someone else. I told my girlfriend but she rejected it. I told my brother but he only took it lightly. I told all my friends and we were no longer friends. I told classmates at school and a teacher in my grade 12 chemistry class (I called a girl antichrist because she rejected Christ, which caused quite the stir in his class.) Whenever I was given a chance I would tell someone wherever I went.

A few days after I had seen the first vision I went out with my girlfriend and bought a King James Version Bible. I started to read it all the time. It was so sweet and wonderful and encouraging to what was happening in my life. I knew I needed to read the Bible. My school didn't matter to me very much after I became a Christian. I only wanted to read the Holy Bible. I wanted to do everything it said. There was such a hungering and thirsting for the word in my life. Like a wonderful fire that consumed my whole life. When I started to read the scriptures my heart would break and I would begin to cry as the Bible bore witness of the life that was in me. It truly was the truth. And I had experienced the fulfillment of those things I was reading about in the Bible through the name and living Holy Spirit of Jesus who was now in my life. It was miraculous. I would read some random passage and it would be exactly what was happening in my life at that moment. It happened time and time again. It was Jesus Himself comforting me. He gave life and breath to the words I was reading. It was a living testimony of the truth that was in my life. What a blessing. I spent most of my time in my room reading and praying (often crying). My dad would come and tell me to go out and do something. He was concerned about me as any dad would be who loved their son and heard them crying in their rooms often. He wanted me to be comforted. But he didn't know that I was being comforted greatly by The Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus was comforting me from all the sin and darkness that had ruled over my life only days before. There was a great cleansing taking place in my life and I felt so clean. The scriptures and His living word were my only true fellowship to nourish and strengthen the new life that He had given me.

On one of those days as I was praying on my knees beside my bed, the Lord showed me another vision to comfort me. I saw a beautiful oak tree planted by a stream of water. The tree was so beautiful and full of life that it glistened and shined with light. The roots were well established and every leaf on the tree was green and full of life. The water also was clean and as clear as crystal and it also glistened with light and life. It was beautiful. The most beautiful tree I had ever seen planted beside such water. But then I saw a spider fall from one of the branches of the tree by a string of web. It hung there for a moment then fell away. Then the whole tree began to die and wither. The water began to dry up and the roots died also. The leaves began to blow away in the wind and the water was then gone. The tree was left dark, dead and barren and the vision ended. I was beside my bed and I wondered what it meant. I prayed to God for an understanding in the name of Jesus. I then realized that the tree was as my life or the life of any man that was born of the spirit. The water was God's spirit that gave life to the tree. The spider was sin. The result was death. A spiritual death. When God's spirit is in a persons life He can use there life as a testimony of His life, like a light that shines in darkness. It was a warning from my loving Father. I couldn't continue in my sins. I needed to be Holy even as He is Holy if I wanted to continue living in the light of His spirit.

The situation became pretty intense. All my friends didn't want to be around me anymore. Me and my girlfriend broke up. All I wanted to talk to them about was Jesus and the Bible. That wasn't what they had on there mind. The world hated me but I was rejoicing in the great reward and salvation of Jesus. He continued showing me through His word and more visions that this was the truth, the way, and the life. The peace and joy of being in the presence of God through Christ far out weighed the loss of my own life. I had hated everything in my own life anyway. So losing everything in my life for Christ was a great blessing. But the fire was real. My girlfriend was a hard loss on my flesh. Our relationship was dead after I received the spirit of Jesus. Jesus's grace was sufficient to get me away from her, stay away from her and not look back. I wanted to keep looking back but His hand was between us. God was long suffering and patient with my weakness and kept leading me onward.

I started longing for fellowship. The thought now of meeting other believers was awesome. I had told almost everyone I had known and even people I didn't know, but no one received His word.

The following Sunday I started attending church with great anticipation without my family unfortunately. I thought "I'll find good fellowship at a church." But as I started going to church, I realized a great emptiness in the midst of those places. I couldn't feel His love and peace about me. It was spiritually quiet. Nothing was being said about the truth. I wasn't hearing the same voice, like when I read the Scriptures. The spirit of truth wasn't there. I continued church hunting Sunday after Sunday. I had no fellowship with those people in Jesus's love, joy, peace, and holiness which I knew and had when I was in His presence. Whenever I would start to tell those people about the visions I was having and the wonderful understanding about the kingdom of Heaven they wouldn't share in my joy. Instead they wanted to stick with there program. They had no time to hear His voice. They felt like there schedule was pleasing to God rather than hearing His word. I was hurt and amazed that they didn't want to hear. Didn't all Christians feel the way I was feeling about Jesus? Hadn't they all been given the gift that I had received? This is what I had thought. Instead they rejected me and I would go away from them hoping to find His people next Sunday.

About six months later I started going to university and it was a snare. I went for two miserable years. As I started to spend more time with school and get better paying jobs each summer, I noticed I had less desire to do His work and less peace and rest in my life. Thorns had entered into my life and were choking His word and His precious anointing out of my life. The fear of holiness and righteousness and keeping myself pure for God's spirit and kingdom were being lost and taken away. I was in sin again and I was lonely, tired of what I was doing and condemned in my own conscience about my sins. I was reading text books, memorizing notes, going to lectures and labs which I had no real or true interest in doing whatsoever. What I really wanted to be devoting myself to was reading the Bible and praying and being free to do what He wanted me to do. I wanted to be prepared for the second coming of Jesus. I was trying to serve two masters. I loved the one and hated the other.

When I was going to university about one year after I had become a Christian, I was going through some fiery trials in my flesh. I went on a fast for three and a half days. Jesus heard my prayers and comforted me by showing me this vision. There was a woman who was my ex-girlfriend sitting down with a pail of apples. She would take an apple, have a few bites, than throw it away. Then take another and do the same. Then she took a third and ate it right to the core, then threw it away. The apple core landed on a patch of grass across a small stream of water from were she was sitting. I looked and an apple tree fully grown had grown up from the apple core. When I looked up into the branches of the apple tree there was a brand new whole apple. When she saw it she was very angry. Then she said "here" and vomited up all that she had eaten onto a table that was before her. That was gross. When she saw that there was nothing she could do, she threw the vomit off the table with her hand in anger and the vision ended. I prayed to God that he would give me the interpretation of the vision. The apples were men. I was the third apple which she ate to the core. However there were seeds in the core which were God's word which had been planted in my life when I was younger. Jesus was the apple tree and I was a whole new man in Him. Amazing. The stream which separated us was His spirit. I was in light, she was in darkness. God separated us. The vomit was the old man's life and ways. Filthy and unclean. She tried to seduce me to live with her in the old man's ways after I became a Christian, but that way of life was all filthy and corrupt in my eyes now. I had no interest. When she saw that I had no interest she was furious and left in anger. I remembered how she called me a religious fanatic and any other name she could in a fit of anger. God have mercy on her and bless her dear soul. It was comforting to simply know that He knew and saw what had happened. It reassured me that I could turn to Him in prayer with all my burdens and cares because He does care for me and takes my part against those who are adversaries to my soul. His salvation is wonderful.

I knew I wasn't walking right with Him because I could see the emptiness in my life again. His spirit wasn't filling my emptiness like He was before. I longed to be filled with His spirit again and to have the joy of His salvation as my strength. It was what I truly needed. I began seeking Him by prayer and fasting, reading the scriptures and praying whenever I had the chance. I remember praying this prayer shortly before I dropped out of university to seek His calling: "God if this is all you've called me to do please just let me die. Take my life because I don't want to live this way anymore." My life was laid upon the alter. I believed He heard that prayer. It was about two weeks later when Jesus sent a Christian to speak to me about living by the word in faith and being a part of a people who were all seeking His Kingdom and righteousness first. Now that's what I needed to hear. I accepted the invitation to start preparing my life and also warning others about the coming judgment of God and His glorious appearing. This was the way I had to live if I wanted to be a Christian, by faith in His word. Praise be to God for His great mercy. Let him know, that he which converts the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins. The pathway that leads to life is holiness. Amen.

I also wanted to share another vision that I had seen shortly after I had become a child of God through the name of Jesus Christ. I was praying and I saw this soul I knew sitting on a pile of seeds. Then he took a handful of seeds in his right hand and his left and cast them before him. I looked and saw two gardens where the seeds had landed. Corn had sprang up. The one from his right hand came up tall and green with several corn stalks in each of them. They were very well established. The other garden from the seeds from his left hand came up black, withered and barren. It was good for nothing. Then I looked at the soul again and he looked at me and stretched out his hands toward each of the gardens with both his hands and said "choose." The soul was sitting on a pile of seeds on a scale.

The spirit and the word bore witness together once I started to read them after I became a Christian.